Stayin’ Sane

Mother,

Thank you for the visit, I wish it were longer.

You probably were thinking, “Why has my daughter not written? Have I done something wrong?” Answer: YES!! You went back to Arizona without me…..Ok, forgiven, now I can move on and write.

Some might read the title and say, “I knew she was losing it.” Some might say, “What?!?! Kathy Tober, the shock!!” Others might just simply laugh and say, “That silly girl!”

I think I am on the verge of losing my sanity. BUT let me explain.

The definition first indicates that sanity means sound mind, hmmmm. Next it says, rationality and healthiness of the human mind. Now tell me, is it rational or healthy to go outside of the traditional breakfast of eggs and toast and eat cake with chocolate milk? Or is it rational of me to say to my child, leave your sister alone or I will let dad give you a swirly? Or how about, let’s buy a video game because I hear it comes with a free Lego set? Any of that sound rational?

I have been thinking a lot about the coming school year. Right now, the line up is Jax in 3rd, Rylon in 1st, Eyrlin in Kinder, and two babies roaming the house. Oh, did I mention I still homeschool, totally rational! I talked to my loving husband about the build up of stress coming on and he said lovingly, “Yay, let’s not have anymore kids.” Hmmm, not really gonna solve the stresses I have right now.

How do I maintain a sane life with so much responsibility? First, I think, how did mom do it all? Second, Why can I not be more like my mom? And third, why did my mom have to be so awesome with a million kids, it makes me look bad with my five?

I found this quote and fell in love with it.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell has said, “When in situations of stress we wonder if there is any more in us to give, we can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed. No one was foreordained to fail or to be wicked. When we have been weighed and found wanting, let us remember that we were measured before and we were found equal to our tasks; and, therefore, let us continue, but with a more determined discipleship. When we feel overwhelmed, let us recall the assurance that God will not overprogram us; he will not press upon us more than we can bear (D&C 50:40)” (“Meeting the Challenges of Today,” in Devotional Speeches of the Year, Provo: Brigham Young University, 1978, page 156).

Don’t you love a good quote. I love that, John and I have always made decisions in our life with the Lord. He will not overprogram us. So sorry honey, but the no more kids bit hasn’t been taken to the Lord yet.

Then  I found this little gem.

“We can create unhealthy stress in our lives by knowingly or unintentionally striving for the wrong things. But striving for righteousness offers peace through Christ.”

Ahhh, I love that! Then my husband said to me, “Babe, it’s all about the good, better, best.” Loved that!

I see a lot of good things happening in my life. I definitely allow the stress of useless details enter in and over take my righteous goals. Example: Home school is a big part of our lives, something we feel extremely good about. When it comes to the amount of things to learn I have to remind myself, often, they don’t need to know everything right now. I have about  million great ideas in my head and can’t seem to weed out all the great ideas.

Also, for anyone who follows my facebook feeds, John recently told me to delete my facebook.

I was so upset.

Why was I upset?

Well truth be told, he saw in me a level of stress from reading and following all 450 friends and family that I did not see at all. At dinner (I know I am totally putting myself out there, but don’t judge), I would go down the list of recent happening of people past and present. John would look at me confused at my knowledge and then quickly he would say, “Don’t tell me this is all facebook.” Sometimes he would come home and I would be upset, “Some people should not post things on facebook. I mean do they not know how rude or insensitive they are towards others feelings.  Why would someone do that?” Or, “I worry about Bonnie (I don’t know a Bonnie) she is hanging out with the wrong friends, you should see the language they are using and how she responds to it, it’s so sad!” Then we go to bed, I would want to talk about ways I could help or do more or be more to someone. I am so glad John is so patient!

John has told me many times, “Your feelings are too tender to be emotionally involved with 450 peoples lives.” That’s when I get upset. “What do you mean my feelings are TOO tender??!?!! I don’t know what you are talking about!! I don’t have any tender feelings, I am tough as nails!! Wow, and I thought you knew me!” Well, it was something like that. He was right, after long thoughts with my tender feelings, he was right! Dang, I love him for that.

I went one week with no facebook….. Interesting. I was totally in control, we had real conversations about life, I made rational decisions. Kids ate regular breakfast meals, no one got a swirly, and I wasn’t randomly shouting out, “NO WAY! FREE $20 Legos when you buy a $50 Wii game.” I had a sound mind, a mind focused on my reality and our family life.

Confession is good people!!

Everyone has a stress and things that fuel it. I found my fueler, I don’t fully understand it or why it is that way for me, but it does give me reason to think about other things in my life that might add stress that aren’t even qualifiers for the “good, better, best” categories.

ALSO, don’t laugh, but I dance around the house again and John LOVES that!! That is a fun stress reliever, especially when I pretend I am the artist singing the songs.

I know others like reading to channel their stress, is that why you read all the time? Anyway, I believe we have to find it and make use of it. I also know that the Lord is a great guide in helping us identify and bring understanding to the things we need to be doing that are important.

Anyway, I believe I have a wise husband who helps me see things that maybe I can’t always clearly see and I am grateful for his openness and wisdom.

Elder Bednar said, “When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance (see 1 Ne. 1:20).”

As a busy mother of five beautiful children and wife to an amazing husband, the Lord’s tender mercies mean everything to me. I love Him, and am grateful for the out stretched hand He lends me, especially in these recent weeks.

So, mom, thank you for the recent talks about the stresses you’ve had as a young mom. I see I am not alone. My goal this week is to set a timer and only spend five minutes twice a week on facebook. I have been doing this and it really does seem to work well for me. I don’t get too sucked in that way. It’s enough to tell the people I love that I love them and I am thinking of them, righteous reasons, right? Not enough time to see any thing too negative that it sends me in a tizzy, or a worry wart, or a defensive friend or a mother of 100 more kids who need a good talking to. I am me again!! Ahhh, feels good.

Have a wonderful weekend. Send Jen my love!

I love you!!'

Kathy

P.S. Did you see the world is coming to an end tomorrow? Totally read it on facebook .