Dear Bed,

You are a pain in my butt and back. I once loved your King Sized frame. I loved your flowered print cotton blend. I loved your bounce and gentleness. BUT, times have changed and I realize how far you have kept me from my husband. I have seen bright colors fade. I see that your bounce ain't so bouncy, and your gentleness ain't so gentle.

I know you are not gone yet but soon, and it will pain me very, very, very little to see you as you pass from this home. I realize a proper burial is what you will want, and I hope we can settle with a trip to DI.

Don't cry, be strong, I know we are.

Crankily Yours,

Kathy