See how cute they are sitting on the couch anticipating the birth of my little Broden. See how they are smiling and laughing and not bored to tears. Liz is in black with her head off to the side and Jess is sporting the pink. Adorable, aren't they? Ahhh. I dedicate my book "Motherhood: The Important Things to Remember, Living it in the Real Life, and Not Through a Psychologist who Analyzes Every Tear Shed by a Child, and Then gets Paid Top Dollar Even Though They Don't Have Children of Their Own" (It would be something like that I'm sure) to them (if you forgot, I was dedicating the book to Liz and Jess).
Chapter One: Definition of Mother
Webster's version -A female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child.
Who is this Webster character? A mother is much more then a women who births a child, please. I need to talk to him about his book "Webster's Dictionary", if anyone has his number send it my way, I would greatly appreciate it.
Chapter Two: "Tober Dictionary" (coming to book stores soon)
Mother - A women who commits herself to nurturing, teaching, laughing, understanding, loving, playing, diapering, feeding, crying, caring, hugging, kissing, cleaning, etc. A women who has patience, energy, commitment, control, .......
Chapter Three: Tooth Fairy, Santa, Easter Bunny, whatever. Someone should have told me they weren't real.
I couldn't believe the tooth fairy forgot to leave money for my son and I had to cover for her. Doesn't she know I don't have time for her forgetfulness.....
I soon found out that she wasn't real, the horror. Click here to learn how to deal with the unimaginable.
Chapter Four: Kids are smarter than you
Good Luck!! No degree you have will ever touch their smartness. I don't even have advice on this one, this is more of a warning. BEWARE! They will put you in your place.
Chapter Five: Boys
Easy, get them balls and cars. Happiest little guys. They do like topics like poop, burping and boogers. They think this sort stuff is funny. When they get in a little mood, I just ask them if they would prefer a poop sandwich and immediately they are laughing, who would of thought?!
Chapter Six: GIRLS!!
This is a whole book in itself. Although cute and sweet, they are a little harder to understand.
Example:
When seeing a girl like this would you say she was A) Pretty B) A Princess C) Daddy's little girl D) A Monster ? If you answered depends on the day, you are off to a good start.
Chapter Seven: Important Questions you have to ask but don't really want to know the answer too
Who pooped and didn't flush the toilet?
John, do you think this is green slime from that toy or a booger?
Eyrlin, do you have a poop?
What smells?
What is this wet spot?
Can you smell this and tell me what you think it is?
Are you picking your nose?
Is that poop on your fingers?
Who is cleaning the barf up?
If you have a sensitive stomach maybe skipping this chapter would be best.
Chapter Eight: Be a Mother who can look back and SMILE, LAUGH
This chapter will be something fabulous. With lots of mushy, poetic wording and all the good feeling things. Still working on it.
This book will be huge Stephanie Meyer might be jealous when I out sell her. Wait till the movie comes out, that will really be awesome.
If you have a sensitive stomach maybe skipping this chapter would be best.
Chapter Eight: Be a Mother who can look back and SMILE, LAUGH
This chapter will be something fabulous. With lots of mushy, poetic wording and all the good feeling things. Still working on it.
This book will be huge Stephanie Meyer might be jealous when I out sell her. Wait till the movie comes out, that will really be awesome.
One last very important thing, should I use this photo as my author pic?
11 comments:
Ha! Loved it. You've got to write it now.
Love the book idea-I would definitely buy it (and of course you would sign it right?) It is a small, small world! Six degrees of separation?-you and I are only two. Thanks Sally. Here's to many more chats in the mother's lounge!
This is going to be a great book. See you are already out selling Stephanie Meyer.
I really laughed when reading the questions you don't want answers to...so true! One day I was on the phone with a sister in law and I said..Travis stop licking the toilet!..she wasn't so sure she wanted to know what was going on. (in his defense he was sitting backward on the toilet w/ the lid in his mouth. better, but not cool still. lol) love the pic of erylin, great...looks like lots of fun yet to be had at our place!!
You are too funny! Love the book! And thanks for the comment on my blog, glad you found me! And don't worry about just using the momma's for breakfast, I think that's one of the only momma "activities" I've been to(besides one playgroup when Sadie was like 3 months old, so you can guess how much "playing" we did!)lol!
We can I pre-order on Amazon? I need this book. Wait can I be a contributing author? We've got LOTS of poop and boogers around her. I'm qualified:)
I LOve your book.....oh, and please, like you only have 2 faithful readers of your blog. Make that 3. I check it very regularly :0) Send me the rest of the book when it's finished. Carson is swearing so obviously I need the pointers!!Hehe
Thanks for the great insight to motherhood. You are a great example and inspire me to be better. Thanks for being open about your feelings and sharing them with everyone! You have to be pretty darn secure to do that! Keep it up~reb
Too funny and too true!! Love your Count your blessings blog too.
I want to read it! It sounds like an amazing book. You have so much wisdom to offer, I know who I'll be calling :)
I'll buy it if you write it . . . maybe a few copies to help you outsell Stephanie. Love reading your blog!
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