Week #1 Patience

My new years resolution is one that I decided to do a couple months ago. I decided to take a year and improve on my motherly qualities.

Let me explain. I was studying “Teaching No Greater Call” when I realized my mothering skills were lacking. I would like to think I am a good mom, but am I? I have a generation to raise and I am responsible to provide them with the best parenting.

After Thanksgiving, I began my journey by reading up on the 52 qualities that I wanted to study. I wrote the list up and matched up talks and scripture to go along with it. Patience was not a hard one to find TONS of information on. I decided I didn’t want to use a single parenting book, but that I would make up my own conclusions on how I should raise my kids, with my Father in Heaven as the purest form of communication for raising children, after all, he knows them best.

Now why blog about it…….? Well I knew that the only way I would stick to my resolution is by letting everyone know what I was doing and where I was at. Also this will be a tribute to my mother who raised me exactly how she should have.

I’m also hoping for some great insight (hint, hint).

So here I go:

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Dear Mom,

Man, you were sure patient!! You raised 11 kids, 11! You did a fantastic job!

Looking at the past, I thought about your day and how easy it could have been to lose all patience for us. You were up at 3am with a paper route to support your sons on missions, family scripture study when you got home. You would get kids off to school and still had little ones to care for. House cleaning must have taken place while I was at school because my chores were minimal. You also had an Avon business and Sugar and Spice (singing group). Dinner was always on the table, I don’t ever remember eating out, maybe an occasional $.29 hamburger. And I think I was always asleep before you headed off to bed. Did you ever sleep?

When all boys were done with their missions, you stopped working to take on a different task, caring for your parents. Grandma Schiess was paralyzed except for one arm, I watched you bath her, potty her, cloth her, feed her, etc. I don’t remember hearing you complain. You were patient with her and loving and kind towards her. More importantly you never lost sight of your role as a mother, with the four you had left.

Here you are in your late 60’s and again you went to the aid of your grandkids and for almost three years you’ve cared for them and loved them.

I have never seen you lose your patience. I find my patience pretty thin when I haven’t had enough sleep or too many tasks have to be accomplished in a day. I have a lot to learn from you.

“The lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness.”

When I read this quote, I immediately gained a testimony of how true that is. You really are happy all the time. I call you when I need a lift or a smile on my face. I really appreciate the example you set for me. That doesn’t mean I am having 11 kids though, FYI.

But on another note I wanted to share with you what I learned about patience today in my reading.

“Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter.” Pres. Uchtdorf

This sparked an interesting thought for me on my role as a mother. I have this mind set that when I think of doing something I just do it. My poor kids have to jump on board and follow along with no thought of what they are doing. Just this last week I did it to my kids again. I wanted to change the school room around on Christmas day. I didn’t think about it really, I just decided to do it. I said kids come grab these boxes and books and take them upstairs. The kids were a little surprised. Jax was quick to say, “But mom, it’s Christmas, you said we would be playing with our toys all day.” I responded with, “I know but MOM really wants to change things around.” I did it I put my desire ahead of my children’s. I didn’t discuss it with them I just demanded it really. Even my loving husband was quick to say, “WHAT?!?!?” This was an unimportant task at the time. But for some reason it was the MOST important thing because I thought it was.

This is but a small example of the ME ME NOW NOW.

Here is another quote, which sparked different thoughts on patience:

“Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!” Pres. Uchtdorf

There are some hardships with parenting. I don’t have teens yet but I can imagine that it get’s to be harder. I was a teen and I remember wanting to explore my own ideas, opinions, and thoughts, I was a hard teen. (Sorry!)

But, right now, in reading that quote, it means to me that I must be patient even if my desires of my heart are delayed. It doesn’t allow me to pick up and head to Hawaii anytime I want or be able to get a mani/pedi everyday. Maybe it’s not having the nicest things because I don’t bring in income to support this family of seven, I chose to stay home. Sometimes it’s not being able to shower without a few interruptions or sleepless nights to comfort a sick one. At this time my priority is my kids every single one of them. It is a lot of work, sometimes really hard work! I will admit I don’t have a lot of" “desires”, but it’s the small things I enjoy; sleep, sometimes eating when I want, or reading a good book with no interruptions.

Being a mother is not the enduring part of patience, it’s my being able to put ME ME NOW NOW aside.  I think that says a lot about a person when they can lose themselves in the raising of their kids. I actually think it makes them who they are. I have learned more about me and what I am capable of than any other time in my life. 

It’s my constant prayer that I can develop these qualities that will prepare me for the eternity's. Qualities that can help me be with Him always. Qualities that will allow me to take my place in the eternal plan my Father in Heaven has for me.

Mom, I have made your life a motivator for me in patience. I have committed myself to practice three things this week. Three things that I learned directly from you. But yet three different forms of patience.

1. Put my kids wants and needs first.

2. Lose myself in serving them.

3. Endure any hardships I might face with patience; going back to item 1 and 2.

When I first picked this topic as a motherly quality I really thought my goal would be biting my tongue more, counting to 10, or putting myself in time out status. Like Pres. Uchtdorf said, “Patience means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed.”  I am sure their were a lot of things you could have been doing in the process of raising kids, things more enjoyable then changing diapers and sleepless nights. I appreciate that you did all that you did and more to raise a generation of Cuthbertsons. You acted selflessly, a quality I hope to develop through my journey of motherhood. You exercised Faith, and you bore all the hardships you faced in those times with fortitude, even if it meant your desires were on hold.

“Patience is personal. Patience is a great teacher. Patience is a great achievement. Patience is a great power.” Marvin J. Ashton

Thank you mom for the perfect example of a lesson I have yet to learn.

I love you Mom!

Kathy